


the mortality of heroes

by karmannghiaburana



Series: Greek Tragedy Sheith [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bisexual Shiro (Voltron), Canon Compliant through season 4, Illiad AU, Infidelity, M/M, Post-Season 4, Sort Of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-09-17 21:28:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16982115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karmannghiaburana/pseuds/karmannghiaburana
Summary: Keith’s voice had become very quiet, like he was directly explaining his actions to Shiro. The others leaned in to hear. “They said the crash was your fault.”The story of paladin versus self, paladin versus paladin, and paladin versus fate.





	1. Book 1- Lance

**Author's Note:**

> “I could recognize him by touch alone, by smell; I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world.”  
> ― Madeline Miller, The Song of Achilles

Being dragged into the Coalition had been a mistake, Lance thought, Voltron and its paladins were constantly called into battles. He hadn’t slept more than three hours at a time in weeks, catching naps in his lion when he could, and he knew every member of their little team was faring no better. He could tell they were all on the brink of collapse. The line of Shiro’s shoulders had fallen from carrying the weight of the freedom of the universe. Pidge could barely focus on her duties as a paladin, worried sick about Matt’s work in the resistance. Lance and Hunk tried to raise the teams spirits with jokes and banter, often at their own expense, but even mustering the energy to do that was becoming impossible. It felt like a blessing when Allura indefinitely pulled them from the battle to formulate a more effective way of coordinating a united front, to use Voltron to the greatest benefit of the Coalition without driving its pilots into the ground. Keith returned from the Blades a few days into their leave, tight-lipped as ever about what his missions entailed, so Lance tried to steer conversation toward lighter topics they could all discuss, like what they might do when they could finally return to Earth.  
“I’m going home, I’m sitting down on Varadero beach, and I’m not moving until I die,” Lance huffed a laugh, “You can all come visit me of course!”  
There are murmurs of agreements from the Paladins sprawled out across the lounge’s couch.  
“I want to go home. After Voltron the closest I want to get to a machine is pulling shifts in my dad’s garage,” Hunk smiled and continued excitedly, “And you should visit me, Lance, I live near Tafatafa beach and we can chill there if you help me feed to chickens and agree to be my taste tester while I try to adapt alien recipes to earth ingredients!”  
“I will make one exception to my current plans to vegetate to death, only for you, Hunk,” Lance promised.  
“I’m honoured to be your exception, Lance,” Hunk bit back.  
“Oh quit it,” Pidge snipped.  
“What about you, Pidge?” Lance asked.  
Without a moment’s thought she answered, “I’m going to MIT. The Altean medical tech alone is so far ahead of what we have! If I can get someone to publish everything I’ve found out about all this alien stuff it could really help people! And then I’ll get a lecture series, and maybe a research position or better yet,” her eyes had taken on a manic gleam, “automatic professor emeritus status in all the research universities of my choice…”  
Keith ruffled her hair, “That sounds great, Pidge.”  
She huffed indignantly but grinned, “You’re as bad as Matt, I don’t need any more older brothers!! You and Shiro are ruining my hair and probably stunting my growth!!”  
“Is that insubordination I hear, Pidge?” Shiro grinned and reached to ruin her hair again.  
Pidge’s quick nod in Keith’s direction was the only warning Shiro got before the two were on top on him.  
“I’ll show you insubordination,” she shouted, pawing at his hair. Keith swung around to Shiro’s other side, helping Pidge’s assault by holding Shiro’s arms behind his back while Pidge rearranged his hair from it’s usually tidy coiffeur. Shiro to his credit, took it like a champ and laughed the entire time. Lance tried to take a mental snapshot of the moment to store for the next time he wondered if what they were doing was really worth it.  
“Yield, old timer,” Keith laughed.  
“All right, all right, I yield,” Shiro said sarcastically. Pidge look smugly satisfied as she dropped herself unceremoniously back into a face down plank position on her “designated chill zone”. Keith went back to scrolling through whatever he’d been reading on his data pad.  
Hunk interrupted his thought, “Keith, you got any plans after Voltron?”  
Keith looked thoughtful, “I don’t really know, I think I’ll stay and help Kolivan with reconstruction. Thetis and I just got promoted so we were thinking about leaving the central command and moving to the planet where his troops are stationed.”  
Lance raised his eyebrows and smirked, “Our grumpiest paladin finally got a boyfriend.”  
Keith rolled his eyes, “He’s my commanding officer, it would just be a better posting.”  
Hunk scratched his chin, “Keith, if you can punch a commanding officer, you can date one.”  
Keith’s eyes widened, “It wasn’t… I didn’t…”  
“You fought a commanding officer?” Shiro sounded incredulous, “When did this happen?”  
Keith looked down, “I don’t want to talk about it.”  
“Keith…” Shiro started.  
“Drop it,” Keith warned.  
The silence that ensued was painful enough for Lance to quickly jump in, “Okay, Shiro, what about your plans?”  
Shiro looked up at the ceiling considering, “I want to see my family, my mom never even wanted me to leave on Kerberos mission.”  
Keith laughed at this, “Remember when she said she’d buy you and Adam a house if you didn’t go?”  
Shiro laughed too. “Danmari,” he impersonated in a higher voice, “Money is no issue, you stay here and stay safe and I’ll buy you and the boy a-a… A HOUSE!”  
“No way,” Hunk gasped, “You knew him before this?”  
“Yeah? I’ve known Keith since he was fourteen,” Shiro stated as thought this were some very obvious fact they all should have known. Shiro looked confused, Keith didn’t react.  
“No way!” Lance sounded utterly offended, “The Garrison Golden Boy was not friends with this, this…” Lance gestured vaguely, “This mullet-head!”  
“He’s the reason the Garrison even let me in,” Keith snapped.  
“Well I wouldn’t go that far,” Shiro hesitated.  
“I would,” Pidge smiled. All heads immediately swung in Pidge’s direction. She raised her hands and with an innocent look. “Okay, so I may have broken into some files after the crash, just you know… In case there were clues about where my family might be. Including Keith’s because he was on Shiro’s file since it was Shiro’s letter of recommendation that got him in.” She pointed in Keith’s direction, “But Keith stole files too, so I don’t think I should get in trouble.”  
Keith mouthed something that vaguely looked like I’ll kill you in Pidge’s direction.  
“Wow, Keith, no offense but I didn’t really think you could do that,” Hunk hedged.  
“I wasn’t very good at it,” Keith admitted, “I just got into Iverson’s office and happened to find the landing footage.”  
“So that’s what got you kicked out?” Lance asked, “Not punching Iverson?”  
“Iverson? The commanding officer you punched was Commander Iverson?” Shiro incredulous voice and visage gave the impression of someone reconsidering all his views on the world.  
“Probably deserved it,” Pidge mumbled.  
“Why?” Shiro asked.  
“You weren’t there.” Keith began to explain, and to Shiro it felt like an accusation. “The official cover story was that the ship flying to Kerberos crashed during landing and the crew were presumed dead.”  
“That’s what I expected,” Shiro said.  
“But it was worse than that, they said you falsified clean medical records and that the Garrison had no idea you had BMD,” Keith’s voice had become very quiet, like he was directly explaining his actions to Shiro. The others leaned in to hear. “They said the crash was your fault.”  
“It was between blaming me or the Holts, Keith, who did you want them to blame?”  
“No one, I just… Don’t want to talk about this here,” Keith stood suddenly and ran from the room. Shiro immediately followed after him.  
Lance looked around the room, “Okay so we have options here: following them, maybe listening from the door, pulling up the Castle’s audiovisual feed, butting out I guess if you’re into that…”  
“I already know what happened,” Pidge said, sounded distracted as she had already returned to whatever new Castle defense code she had been working on before the discussion had interrupted her. “Keith told me.”  
“I just figured it out,” Hunk shrugged.  
“Aw, you guys are no fun,” Lance complained. “Really? Is no one gonna do secret spy stuff with me?”  
“The mice need a bath if you have some free time,” Hunk suggested before turning back to helping Pidge. “It’s been a while since anyone checked on Acxa in holding…”  
“You guys are so lame.”  
Lance wandered off to follow behind Keith and Shiro. It didn't take him too long to find them. Shiro, in a rare show of temper, was matching Keith for in tone and pitch for each verbal attack they volleyed between each other. Lance kept his distance listening around the corner.  
“What did Acxa mean, she saved you?” Shiro demanded.  
“Matt already told you didn’t he?” Keith did a verbal parry around Shiro’s question.  
“I want to hear it from you,” Shiro insisted, his voice hard.  
“Something had to hit the particle barrier around the witch’s ship so we could deactivated it and take out the komar. I would have sacrificed myself for the Coalition and for Voltron,” Keith stated, “And for you.”  
It was indirect but Shiro knew Keith’s words for what they were: a confession.  
“Keith that’s not fair, you can’t bargain your life away like that.”  
“One life for the entire Voltron Coalition, I think that’s a pretty fair wager, Shiro,” Keith spoke with the ease of informing Shiro of the weather, not recounting how he’d almost died.  
Ever immovable Shiro countered him again, “It’s unacceptable, Keith.”  
“Why? Why am I anymore valuable than any of the Coalition fighters who died? Or the Blades?” Keith asked.  
Keith wanted a direct answer. Shiro swallowed and steeled himself to tell the truth, “Because I can’t lose anyone else. Come on, Keith, you have to know. I can’t lose you.”  
“Do you remember before the launch, when you could bring family to see the ship, when we went to the landing pad together what you said?” Keith asked suddenly.  
Shiro smiled, “You mean other than that I’d be filthy rich someday?”  
Keith remained earnest, “You promised that you would come back safely, and that when you did you’d have enough money to help me fix up my dad’s place and we could live there. I’ve been in love with you since then.”  
“Keith, you know I love you too,” Shiro promised.  
“Then you understand why I did it,” Keith continued, “I need this war to end, I need you to be out of danger too.”  
“We can end this war, Keith,” Shiro assured him, but added seriously, “But you can’t sacrifice yourself for one battle. We have to be there to see it through.”  
Lance excused himself, it felt frighteningly personal. He did bathe the mice, complaining the entire time about how “un-fun” and “totally lame” Hunk and Pidge were. When he finished, with nothing better to do, he wandered do to the cell where they held Acxa.  
Lance hated this part of the Castle. While most of the ship felt like a modern fantasy complete with magically efficient instant medicine and superfood goo, the holding area felt like the squeaky clean hold over of a bygone era. It was darker than the rest of the Castle, which Lance figured couldn’t be good for prisoners, even if they were evil Galra generals. The whole place had a generally unnerving feeling, too dark, too cold, too archaic… It wouldn’t counteract the bad vibes, but Lance brought some of Hunk’s snacks with him as a peace offering.  
He found Acxa laying across the bed in her cell, humming a to herself and tapping the back wall slowly, a little off-beat. She looked up, her expression entirely unaffected when he approached the glass.  
“I brought the goods, you got the info?” Lance lifted the plate in front of him.  
Acxa’s right brow lifted but otherwise her expression remained unchanged, “Are you planning to starve me out, paladin?”  
“Well you are a Galra general who wants to enslave the known universe into a giant super evil empire,” Lance said.  
Acxa frowned. “I see.”  
“But because I’m a good guy, I’m still going to feed you Hunk’s food even if you don’t deserve it.” As he spoke Lance placed the plate into the portion of the glass that allowed them to transfer things in and out of the cell.  
“I don’t need to defend my actions to the likes of you—”  
“Ugh how do you sound just like Keith? I swear you guys were like separated at birth or something,” Lance lamented.  
“The half-Galra?” Acxa looked curious, rather than perturbed by the interruption. “Bring him to me then, I’ll talk to him.”  
“Alright fine, one alien paladin special on it’s way,” Lance threw his hands up, washing himself of the trouble of questioning their prisoner. He began to head back to the bridge where he knew he figured he could start his search for the rest of the team.  
It wasn’t so much that Lance hated Acxa, or the Galra in a general sense, but on two fronts he found himself conflicted over her presence on the castleship. The first being that the presence of any prisoners onboard squicked him out on some deep moral level. The second being that despite her initial announcement that she’d left Lotor after he betrayed her by killing her family, she had done nothing to prove any loyalty to Voltron or the Coalition. As far as Lance was concerned Acxa should not be trusted. He was more than happy to pass the task of inquisitor on to another paladin.  
After poking around their usual haunts Lance eventually found the black paladins tag teaming Altean bots in what looked like a doozy of a simulation.  
Lance figured the best approach was direct, so he marched right past a sword wielding robot right into the middle of the frey, “Hey if you two aren’t too busy getting your asses handed to you by a robot, Acxa says she’ll talk.”  
“Now, Lance, really?” Keith bit out. Keith was too distracted by Lance to notice the bot approaching and landed on his back when it struck out with a bo staff.  
“Yeah,” Lance said casually.  
“End simulation.” Shiro had the decency to look only slightly perturbed, as he turned to Lance. “She wants to speak now? Why?”  
“What can I say, I have a way with the ladies.” Lance followed the statement with finger guns. Keith’s eyes rolled so hard they threatened to remain permanently lodged backwards. “Okay, I went to check on her and she said she would talk. I don’t trust her but we seriously need the info.”  
Keith and Shiro seemed to silently confer about the situation before shrugging and following Lance back down to Acxa’s holding cell.  
Acxa was waiting for them when they arrived, chin in her hands a posture of pure boredom. Shiro stood slightly ahead of the other two, he agreed to take lead on the questioning waiting for her to initiate any conversation.  
“Are you the half-Galra?” Acxa began.  
“How did you know we have a half-Galra teammate?” Shiro responded.  
“You’re not,” She asserted, “You look more Galra than he does but I recognise that voice, Champion.”  
“I don’t remember being forced to make any speeches as a gladiator.”  
“You didn’t. And I must congratulate you and your fellow paladins, it was almost impossible for Lotor to locate any useful visual record of any of you,” she explained, “However, he was able to hack into your audio feeds. That’s how we kept track of which paladin piloted which lion, and how we fought you more effectively. You may want to have the Green one scramble your frequencies again soon.”  
“What else does Lotor know?” Shiro continued.  
“The half-Galra left, he fights with a Galra society called the Blade of Marmora, we have no useful intel on them but we know they exist,” Acxa showed no reservations as they questioned her. Lance still felt uneasy about the entire situation.  
“Why are you here?” Keith spoke up.  
“You’re the half-Galra,” Acxa’s eyes widened, “Thank you… in the Weblum.”  
“My name is Keith,” he sounded impatient, “Why are you here?”  
“I came to you because I have no other choice, we were Lotor’s only allies against Emperor Zarkon and the witch Haggar, I marked myself as a traitor by following him,” she told them, “The witch did something to my partner, Narti, I think to get back at Lotor for his insubordination. She was acting strangely before Lotor… he… He gave us no explanation, he killed her without any hesitation. I can’t return to the Empire, but I couldn’t stay with Lotor either. Not after what he did to her.”  
The questions came from Shiro again, “Why should we trust you?”  
“I saved Keith didn’t I? If I hadn’t shot through the particle barrier on the witch’s ship an entire quadrant would have been blown to the underworld, taking Voltron with it. And then I offered myself freely as your prisoner. What more could I do?” She sounded earnest enough, for a longtime warlord and general to the villainous banished prince of a destructive space empire.  
“Care to offer an explanation for any of your actions while working for Lotor?” Lance chanced sarcastically.  
“I will not speak to you, kill me if I’m so offensive,” Acxa cocked her chin up, daring him to follow through on her command.  
“Enough, Lance, go tell the others to check the feed and stay up to date on any information Acxa gives us,” Shiro ordered, “Keith, you’re with me, we’ll keep questioning her as long as she has verifiable intel.”  
The team reconvened that evening in the lounge, going over the information Acxa had provided them. It had taken Shiro and Keith hours to begin reaching the ends of useful information Acxa could provide. Rebel positions Lotor was aware of would need to be passed along to the Coalition. Information about Blade operatives whose cover may be blown would need to be forwarded to Kolivan. Pidge was already troubleshooting the problem with the Lion’s comms system.  
It was Shiro who suggested letting Acxa out of holding, Keith agreed with some reservations.  
“Holding her just because she’s Galra isn’t right,” Keith asserted.  
“I agree, in it’s day this castle hosted plenty of Galra without a problem,” Coran said, “Except of course over a rowdy game of exploding snap, but I believe it was King Alfor who started that altercation, Zarkon just followed along…”  
“Yeah, but correct me if I’m wrong here, isn’t she the right hand of our current arch nemesis?” Hunk asked. Pidge and Hunk were in strong opposition to letting a potential rogue spy wander around the halls without supervision.  
“We shouldn’t be keeping any prisoners, either we turn her over to the Coalition or we turn her loose, but I don’t like having anyone down in the creepy holding cell,” Lance reiterated.  
“I could put certain protocols in place in the Castle’s security systems,” Allura argued, “Acxa could be easily locked down the moment she acts untrustworthy. We could even lock her out of certain areas just in case. The library and Castle mainframe for instance…”  
“Sounds like a lovely idea Princess! Well if that’s all settled then, I’m off to bed. If Acxa does assassinate me in my sleep I will be peacefully dreaming of chasing yelmores. Goodnight!” Coran stood and stretched, yawning exaggeratedly before loping out of the room. The others debated the finer details of Acxa’s access to the Castle before heading to bed soon after.  
The next few days passed quietly, everyone wordlessly agreed not to remember or act like they remembered Keith’s outburst. If Shiro and Keith were still disagreeing they hid it well. Allura, Keith, and Shiro continued to discussing plans for Voltron’s next move with the Coalition’s strategists and the Blade of Marmora. The rest of the Paladins went about their respective tasks around the Castle, in the evenings after dinner if they weren’t too exhausted they still piled into the lounge room couches. Lance continued to question the Paladins about dream vacations and futures as a means of escaping reality.  
“Okay okay, so perfect scenario: all the dues the Garrison owes you for the Kerberos mission are sitting pretty in a savings account with—let’s say we get back in one more year, that puts you at what?—four or five years of interest built up, what do you do?” Lance asks.  
“Can he say I’m going to Disney World?” Hunk asked.  
“Haha, very funny, Hunk,” Lance did not sound amused.  
“Well I’d pay to get my hoverbike out of the impound lot,” Shiro huffed a laugh. He looked thoughtful before finishing his answer, “and I have a little place I wanted to fix up and retire in.”  
Hunk whistled, “Wow, and he builds houses too.”  
A ping from Pidges laptop halted their conversation. “It’s Matt!” She announced as she answered the call, waiting for the video feed to connect. Keith leaned in to get a look.  
“Katie,” Matt’s grim voice sounded through Pidge’s speakers, “I need to speak with Shiro immediately.”  
Shiro moved away from the wall to stand behind Pidge and Keith, “I’m here.”  
Matt let out a sigh of relief, “Shiro, you have to convince Princess Allura to bring Voltron to the front lines again.”  
Shiro’s brows drew down, settling his face into a slight frown reserved for planning rooms and leading missions. He chose his next words as carefully as he could, “You know I can’t do that, between Lotor signing a treaty with the coalition and the Lions almost getting drained of all their quintessence… She won’t want to work with the coalition until we can finalise a strategy for how to use Voltron effectively.”  
“There isn’t time for that,” Matt insisted. “Tell her to put aside-”  
“It’s not just her. My team is exhausted, they could have died on the last mission,” Shiro tried to keep the hint of anger out of his voice. “The only thing we have to show for it is a prisoner who gave herself up willingly and has provided no useful information.”  
“Coalition fighters died instead,” Matt exclaimed.  
“What does the coalition need,” Keith spoke up.  
“Romelle, one of our most respected generals, and the wife of our top ranking admiral, was taken by Lotor, we are planning to mount an offensive and wipe out his fleet to get her back,” Matt sounded exasperated, “We need Voltron for this plan to work.”  
Shiro crossed his arms, “I can’t put my team back in the field for a mission of this scale after what happened last time. There is a reason we haven’t been able to bring Lotor down before. I won’t watch my people die for something that doesn’t even concern us.”  
“And I won’t watch more coalition members die, we need your help Shiro.”  
“Shiro, come on, we have a chance to take down Lotor, the rest of the Empire,” Keith tried to ply.  
“No, absolutely not,” Shiro stood. “I’ll update Allura on what the coalition plans to do but count Voltron out of your plans.” And with that he strode out of the room.  
“I’m checking with Acxa to verify Lotor’s resources before I leave,” Keith stood up, and followed Shiro, calling after him.  
The others sat a moment, glancing at each other, before following as well. Between Pidge wanting to support her brother’s squadron, Keith wanting a crack at finally bringing Lotor to heel, and Hunk hoping Voltron could save the number of lives the coalition would lose, Allura and Shiro still held firm against their involvement.  
“I’m with the Princess and Shiro on this one,” Coran chimed in, “We don’t have a plan, nor does it really sound like the Coalition has one either. It would be incredibly dangerous to rush into a situation this complex.”  
“Coran is right,” Shiro continued, “We don’t know Lotor’s angle on this. We still haven’t fixed the comm system.”  
“I have a patch,” Pidge interjected, “It’s not quite ready yet, but it would allow us to shift our audio to sound like another paladin. As long as we pay attention to the video feeds in the Lion’s cockpits we should still know who's talking. But if Lotor was listening in I could say, make it sound like everything Hunk said was Shiro talking!”  
“I’m not certain that’s a workable solution,” Allura stated, uncertain.  
“Well it’s easier than trying to encrypt our frequency, and it’s more realistic than finding some secret unoccupied frequency that Lotor would be unable to listen in on,” came Pidges agitated response.  
It was surprisingly a combination of Keith threatening to join on his own, and Lance agreeing with him that broke Shiro’s resolve. Allura still didn’t approve, but let the five paladins speed off to join the Coalition against her instincts. Shiro ran to crosscheck intel with Axca before they departed.  
“We’ll be back before you know it,” Lance assured Allura.  
“I feel very unsure of this, Lance, I feel like I did before my father last sent the Lions away,” she paused, “I wish you would stay.”  
Lance met her gaze with earnest eyes, “I’ll come back. We’ll all be back.”  
She leaned in to place a kiss on his cheek, “For luck.”

Allura’s luck, he thought, was carrying him through was without a doubt the worst battle he had ever been in. They had been wary of going so far into enemy territory but the Coalition was certain they could face Lotor on his own turf, so they found themselves six hyper jumps deep at the door of Lotor’s stronghold. From the get go this battle had been in Lotor’s favour. An EMP pulse had greeted the first wave of Coalition fighters, leaving their ships listlessly floating for the Galra to use as target practice. By the time the paladins had made it to the field they could barely pilot around the debris. Lance had lost track of the Red Lion when Keith sped off after Lotor. He found himself fighting towards where Pidge had been surrounded by two squadrons of Galra gunships, struggling to stay out of firing range and fight back.  
“Anyone else feel like this mission is cursed or something,” Hunk asked, the question was joking but Hunk’s voice was strained with anxiety. “I swear more Galra keep popping up out of nowhere.”  
Hunk’s assessment of the situation seemed pretty close to reality.  
“I’m starting to think Shiro might have had a point,” Lance agreed. He managed to freeze the ion cannon on one ship, but still didn’t feel any closer to getting Pidge out.  
“Does anyone have eyes on Keith?” Shiro demanded.  
“He ran off after Lotor,” Lance informed him.  
“I can’t seem to pick up his signal, does anyone have him on their scanners?” Shiro was beginning to sound worried beneath his tightly maintained exterior.  
“If Lotor took him anywhere near the planet behind the base you won’t be able to pick up the Red Lion’s signal,” Pidge explained, her audio feed regularly punctuated by heavy fire. “If someone can get me out of here I might be able to come up with a way to counteract the magnetic interference and get a message through to him.”  
There was a moment’s hesitation on Shiro’s end as he considered his odds against of crossing to Pidge’s location. Finally his voice came resolute over the comm, “I can be there in five minutes.”  
“If Shiro’s covering Pidge, I need you here Lance,” Hunk ordered. “I have a spooky looking mecha monster coming at me the minute I finish with all these Galra fighters and something tells me I can’t take him down alone.”  
“I’m right there with ya, buddy,” Lance promised. He definitely wasn’t right there with Hunk, he was stuck several football fields away behind a dense amalgamation of debris, Galra fighters, and the occasional remaining coalition vessel.  
Lance felt like he could barely keep track of everything as it happened. His shoulders were in searing pain, he’d kept them tensed since they arrived. Sweat stung his eyes where it trickled down his bron from under his helmet. He couldn’t seem to breathe in enough oxygen, his heart felt like it would burst through his chest. He couldn’t seem to keep up with the constant appearance of Galra troops. Everywhere he turned he was completely surrounded, the moment an area was cleared more appeared as if by magic, Lance felt like he was losing his mind. He could do nothing but slowly make his way forward to Hunk position.  
Allura’s luck was what he thought of after taking yet another critical hit in the Blue Lion, and he thought of it as the cockpit went black and he suddenly found himself drifting dead in space.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FUN FACT the character shiro is named after from the OG OG japanese anime was nicknamed Quiet (黙り Danmari)
> 
> Becker muscular dystrophy (BMD). seems like closest medical condition to the vague symptoms they described in the show? idk @ dreamworks pls give us his official diagnosis


	2. Shiro and Keith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He thought of Lance and Hunk, who had idolised him at the Garrison, who had never really known him but trusted him as their leader without question. He thought of Pidge, who was only fourteen, the child soldier he lead into battle. And Keith. As many times as it takes, Keith had assured him, he would save him as many times as it takes. But Keith had never asked for anything in return, never asked anything from Shiro. Now Keith’s fate hung in the balance, even Allura wasn’t certain the pods would do anything to bring him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is woefully disrespectful to Keith and Narti, and also Shiro and Keith, also I changed the archive warnings, but it's based on a Greek tragedy so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ Also sorry for the hurt yo!

When Keith ran from the room Shiro had followed him almost immediately. It didn’t take long to catch up to Keith. Shiro found him curled in on himself sitting against one of the bay windows that looked out on the stars as they passed. They crept slowly, little twinkling white dots, each no more spectacular than the next.  
“I thought it would look different out here,” he spoke as Shiro approached. “You can see any of the nebulas really. It’s just big and empty.”  
“Keith,” Shiro tried.  
“No one at the Garrison, liked me, Shiro,” Keith explained, “No one wanted me there.”  
Shiro stayed silent. He sat down next to the other man and put an arm over his shoulders in silent support.  
“I wanted to prove them wrong,” Keith admits, “Prove that you were right about me, that I could make it. But after everything… I’m sorry that I couldn’t stay, Shiro.”  
Shiro turned so he could hold Keith properly in his arms, “Hey, you don’t have to explain yourself to me if you don’t want to, I’m not like them.”  
“It was hard enough when you were there,” Keith resolved himself to telling the whole story. “The things that they said about me didn’t bother me that much, but sometimes they talked about you too and it just made me so mad.”  
“People were jealous, I rubbed a lot of people the wrong way moving up the ranks so fast,” Shiro countered, “I was used to it.”  
“No they said really awful things about how I got into the Garrison and you,” Keith insisted, “And it got worse when the Kerberos mission failed. They used you as a scapegoat and all the old rumours came back around.”  
“People always talk, Keith.”  
“They didn’t want me there Shiro,” Keith repeated with fervour. He words were becoming rushed, “They announced you were dead and I didn’t get any time to process it before I was surrounded by people who taunted me by telling me all the things they thought you did to deserve it.”  
“I’m sorry I didn’t realise,” Shiro started. “You always hung out with me and Matt, I thought you just preferred being around us I didn’t realise you didn’t have anyone else…” He tried to lighten the mood, “Did you really punch Iverson?”  
“Hell yeah I punched Iverson, fucker told me to Stop picking fights with other cadets, like I started it,” Keith sounded like he still drew some sick pleasure from knowing he got one in on their superior officer. “Plus he’s the one who signed off on blaming you, he started it.”  
Shiro laughed, “I guess he did strap me to a table when I finally did make it back. Maybe he deserved it.”  
They stayed next to each other just staring out at the stars as they passed. Keith was right it didn’t look like the images in their textbooks that NASA had carefully shot and recoloured to display the wonder of the universe. Nor was it the same as looking up at the sky from Earth. There was nothing to ground them out here, it was like floating in an endless nothing, it could be unbearably lonely. Shiro wondered briefly if that’s how Keith had felt when he’d left him alone in the desert, no guardians, no one to take his side.  
Keith remained quiet, his posture stiff and guarded. Shiro moved back slightly to face Keith, his hand came up to cup his chin, the tips of fingers were buried in Keith’s soft hair. Keith’s face was small enough in his hand that Shiro could run his thumb along Keith’s high cheekbone and wipe away the single tear he’d let slip.  
“I’m not mad at you Keith, I’m angry at the situation and the people who backed you into the corner,” Shiro tried to assure him. “I’m proud of how you’ve handled everything, never doubt that I love you.”  
Shiro instantly found himself with armfulls of Keith. His face was tucked tight in the crook of Shiro’s shoulder, his hand fisted in the back of Shiro’s vest. Shiro held in in return, his cheek resting against the top of Keith’s hair.  
“Thank you,” Keith whispered, “For never giving up on me.”  
In that moment several things clicked into place for Shiro. He had known he loved Keith, he’d always loved Keith on some level, he was his best friend after all. And on some level he knew that Keith had returned those feelings, the boy had always had his back. But Shiro had left and come back to an older Keith. And somewhere between fighting for their lives and the liberation of the universe Keith had started to love him a lot more than whatever friendship or puppy love crush he’d had on Shiro at the Garrison.   
“How many times are you gonna save me before this is over.”  
“As many times as it takes.”  
And even though in that moment he knew he’d grown to return those feeling Shiro was terrified, because the man in his arms meant everything. And Shiro didn’t know how to protect him.  
Shiro placed a gentles kiss on top of Keith’s head before speaking. “Keith, do you remember what I said when I left for Kerberos?”  
Keith nodded against him. “We could fix up my place and live there.”  
“Do you still want that?” Shiro asked.  
Keith was silent for a long time. Finally after swallowing the knot in his throat he spoke. “I want to stay with you.”  
Shiro’s breath caught.  
“I love you,” Keith admitted after a pause.  
Shiro felt a chasm open in his chest, it wasn’t fair that they had to put the universe first.  
“We could leave,” Shiro felt his traitorous lips whisper, even if he knew it wasn’t true.  
“It’s been years now, sometimes I don’t think it will ever end,” Keith moved to face Shiro, “But you know that we can’t, this war is bigger than us, it would catch up with us eventually.”   
“When this is over,” Shiro promised, “we’ll be together.”  
His hand trailed up Keith’s neck. Keith's cheek felt delicate beneath Shiro's finger tips as he drew Keith's face forward. He leaned in and pressed a kiss to Keith’s lips, his thumb traced over Keith’s cheekbone. It lasted only a moment but he tried to convey the fierce fear he felt at the thought of losing Keith in their upcoming battles.  
“You won’t leave?” Shiro asked again.  
“You are a hero, The Champion, and you can’t leave,” Keith reiterated.  
“But what about you?” Shiro pressed.  
“I’m your right hand, and I will be right next to you until we finish this.” There was a fire in Keith’s eyes when he spoke that drew Shiro in.   
“I just want you safe,” Shiro pleaded.  
Keith’s hands were clasped behind Shiro’s neck, his thumb traced the short cropped hair at Shiro’s nape. He held them together, their foreheads rested against each other. When Keith spoke, Shiro could feel his breath fall against his lips. “I’m with you to the end of the line.”  
//  
It took a lot to push Shiro over the edge, it was something on which he prided himself, no matter how maladaptive his calm could be. He’d matured quickly after receiving what amounted to a death sentence at age twenty. All of the anger, the fear, the helplessness that had once overwhelmed him now sat in a tight bundle that he carried at the center of his chest, always. Years of comforting his loved ones when he was the one who was going to die, taught him put his own emotions aside. That was how he lead, that was how he inspired, by shoving every negative emotion he felt deeper and deeper down, and making sure everyone around him was provided for. Lapses in this control were rare. He’d been tempted to lose it when he met Slav, but even then reigned his anger down to frustration for the sake of the mission.  
Shiro was furious now. To a point where he found himself unable to maintain his usual leaderly demeanor. From the moment he’d collected the Red Lion, to the moment both the Red and Black Lions touched down in the hanger Shiro hadn’t felt anything but mind-numbing fury. There was no relief in the end of the battle when over half his team was in critical condition. Days had passed but it felt like seconds so little changed. On the fourth day of waiting for his team to wake up Allura called him in to a meeting with the heads of the Coalition. He couldn’t focus on anything, his mind returning to the mental countdown of which paladins would wake up first. The debrief with the coalition generals had consisted primarily of Shiro point by point shouting all of the tactical failures that had taken place, followed by a scathing stream of reasons why Voltron would be excusing itself from the following battles against Lotor. Allura was trying to manage the situation as well as she could, but Shiro wouldn’t listen any longer. Shiro stormed out of the room, not turning to answer the accusations of disloyalty from the generals, he didn’t need to answer to them.  
He couldn’t head back to the medical bay, he didn’t want another reminder of how he’d failed staring at him in the faces of his teammates’ floating calmly in healing pods. Lance and Pidge were expected to recover in the next day or so. Keith was in a more uncertain position. Lotor had managed to lure him out of the Red Lion. By the time Shiro found him, Keith wasn’t breathing and frost had begun creeping across the planes of his remaining armour. Keith’s link to the Red Lion’s quintessence was the only thing keeping him alive.  
In Shiro’s memory Keith seemed small when they first met, Shiro’s age had afforded him a good foot and half over Keith, a deficit Keith almost made up now. He’d always seemed small but never fragile, not when he stole Shiro’s car, or when he cried during his first week of final exams at the Garrison. To Shiro, he had always seemed steadfast and sturdy. Keith seemed very fragile then, as Shiro picked him up, careful of his frostbitten limbs, and carried him back to the Black Lion. Shiro pleaded with the Red Lion to follow them back to the Castle. He was uncertain how far Keith could travel before his link to the Lion would be severed, and what that would mean for Keith if it happened. Somehow they made it back. Somehow Allura had pried Keith out of Shiro’s arms and into a healing pod. Somehow Shiro found himself wandering aimlessly through the empty halls of the castle.  
Shiro stopped in his march away from the bridge, unsure where he was headed. Frustration and anger boiled under his skin. He grabbed his helmet and launched it at the wall with a yell. Dissatisfied with the dent his helmet left, Shiro found himself barraging his fists at same spot. The purple glow of his right arm activated and his final blow drove through the outer layer, deep into the Castle’s wiring and ductwork. The momentum carried Shiro face first into the hard surface. His anger only slightly abated, Shiro found himself sinking to the floor. He sat with his back to the wall, knees curled up to his chest.  
“FUCK!” He fisted his hands in his hair as if to pull it all out by the root. “Fuck! I don’t know what I’m doing.”  
He thought of Lance and Hunk, who had idolised him at the Garrison, who had never really known him but trusted him as their leader without question. He thought of Pidge, who was only fourteen, the child soldier he lead into battle. And Keith. As many times as it takes, Keith had assured him, he would save him as many times as it takes. But Keith had never asked for anything in return, never asked anything from Shiro. Now Keith’s fate hung in the balance, even Allura wasn’t certain the pods would do anything to bring him back.   
Shiro desperately wanted him back, if only so that he could take the blame and beg forgiveness. He was barely twenty four, he had gained notoriety flying cargo to between planets in his own solar system before becoming the champion of saving his own skin in galra captivity. He didn’t know how to save the universe. He didn’t know how to save Keith. He didn’t know how to lead Voltron in a losing game. He needed information to move forward, on Lotor, on the Galra, on how to protect the people he cared about. He needed to find Acxa.  
Shiro found her in her quarters, kneeling before a simple Galra alter, her head bowed in supplication.  
“Acxa,” Shiro spoke quietly as he approached her. “What are you doing?”  
“The old gods are not often paid attention by my Galra brethren, the new religion says that combat is a purifying through which all impurities are burned away. The Tamarian race, my mother’s people have a complex religion I was never afforded the education to grasp,” Acxa spoke. “But I pray to the old Gods for protection and guidance, and for safe passage of my partner in the afterlife.”  
“How did she die? Your partner?” Shiro asked.  
She frowned and turned her head to the ceiling in thought, she was silent for a long time before she turned to Shiro and answered, “I will need a drink to discuss this.”  
She went to the cupboard inlaid in the wall on the other side of the room and pulled out to glasses as well as a bottle of some Galra liquor.  
“What it’s that?” He inquired.  
“Ouzo,” Axca responded and she made her way back to him, “Better than Altean nunvill that’s for sure.”  
“That’s a low bar,” Shiro agreed, accepting the cup when she offered it to him. It was vile, like spoiled peaches and annice, but Acxa knocked it back like water while Shiro politely tried to finish what he’d been given. By her fourth cup of the vile liquor she seemed less at ease than before, a nervous angry current running just beneath her skin. When she spoke she spat out words like curses.  
“Narti was a powerful psychic, but she was vulnerable to those like her,” Acxa said, “the witch controlled her mind, stole information on our movements, placed us in danger, and Lotor slew her for her betrayal.”  
He placed a slow and uncertain hand on her shoulder, giving her the option of pulling away.  
“Acxa I’m so sorry,” he comforted.  
“Don’t be, he’s kill all of us soon, everyone you love,” she filled Shiro’s cup again. He drained it quickly if only to chase away the very real possibility of Lotor taking away those closest to him. “I’ve been here week and we’ve made no progress in subjugating that weasel.”  
“I want him dead, Acxa, if you know anything else, please,” Shiro’s old anger was returning, a simmer heat waiting to burst. Acxa was right, nothing had been done on Voltron or the Coalitions part to defeat Lotor. With every battle Lotor had just grown closer to ending this war in his favour. “I want his head on a pike.”  
“I have no more information I can give, nothing, I have nothing left,” she screamed, she vollied the cup to her left letting it clatter against the floor and roll away. “I have nothing.”  
He held one of her hands in his and drews his thumbs across the back of her knuckles. It was a comforting gesture, the fight left her quickly and she just looked sad.  
“I have nothing,” she repeated, “I just want to get my revenge, so I can be at peace.”  
“Here, have the last of it, it was your bottle after all,” Shiro offers it back to her.  
She pauses to consider him carefully, “Thank you, Shiro.”  
He gives her a wry smile, “Take it quickly or my chivalry will run out.”  
“No, thank you, Shiro,” Acxa met his eyes. She found his gaze calm and reassuring while her eyes filled with tears. “Since I lost her I have felt nothing, I just want to feel something again.” Her gaze dropped briefly to his lips before she leaned in slowly, offering him a chance to back away.  
There are moments where our desire to comfort and be comforted override rationality. As he met her kiss he knew that was all either wanted, to stave off the memory of their own mortality. It didn’t feel comforting to either of them, it felt like a violent distraction.  
//  
When Shiro woke he found his bed blessedly empty, he didn’t think he could face Acxa at the moment. He rolled out of bed and into his paladin suit, ready to meet Allura and the others to discuss battle plans moving forward. The dormitories were oddly quiet as Shiro walked through them, a seed of creeping fear spread through him. Logically, he reasoned, the Paladins were already awake and about their lives in the castle. But seeds of doubt told him the Galra had found them, they were already dead, or worse they’d seen him for a fraud and left him alone. He tried to hail the other but to no response. His breathing hitched and his lungs no longer seemed to fit in his rib cage, he could hardly catch his breath. Finally Coran answered his hailing frequency with a brief reply.  
“Shiro, I think something’s gone wrong, they’re on their way back now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started this last year before the gay reveal but it still sucks sorry. We got two Buffy references in here for anyone nitpicking with the finest toothed comb. Also sorry if you like ouzo, I do too I just drew on my friend's description of it cos I figured Shiro wouldn't.


End file.
